Twice in a row… must be cursed. Absolutely ridiculous.
Every day since the end of April, I’ve sat here in front of the computer searching. No, I take that back, for two weeks I did nothing. Every day since the first week of May, I’ve sat here in front of the computer searching for jobs. Three of them don’t want me, the rest… who knows? I sit here every day… almost every day. I haven’t left the house because I’ve nowhere to go. No, that’s not right, I went to the grocery store once.
And my grandmother’s funeral…
Yesterday morning I left the house and went to a small nature preserve. I was the only one there, and like an idiot with no survival skills I got out of the car and started walking. Nothing but me and the trees and the birds… and the bugs. I walked to the end of the line and started up the platform overlooking the wetlands. I stopped halfway thinking maybe that wasn’t a good idea since I was all alone. In my head, the platform would give way or the boards would fall out and I would plunge into the water and drown. I walked back down to the boardwalk and stood, listening to a robin using its outside voice.
I started walking back to the entrance, at some point realizing I was power-walking instead of strolling. Perhaps I started to subconsciously freak myself out being the only one there, surrounded by woods, a lone woman. Not my finest of ideas, but I needed to get out of the house. I made it back to the car in one piece… no rogue murderers about. Maybe I was in the wrong part of town for that.
And, now, the next day, here I sit. Searching, searching, searching. Searching for what? Mainly a new job. Probably some happiness, but I don’t think I’ve ever been happy a day in my life. Maybe in a couple of weeks I’ll be happy, at least a little bit.
Help.