Can you be naturally dour? Naturally unhappy? Can’t remember a single time in life where you’ve ever been happy. Not even as a child — I’m pretty sure that’s just depressing. Children are supposed to be happy and carefree. Happy-go-lucky little bastards without a care in the world. Eating mud-pies and drinking hose water. Playing under street lights and scratching mosquito bites until they bleed. Unless you grow up with gigantic fuck-ups for parents and then, well, I guess you have my childhood. The party is always more important.
“Our friends entertained you. You never lacked when we went to other people’s houses,” you say as if you weren’t in the other room – behind a closed door – snorting the kitchen sink, the bed sheets, and doing God know what else. Ignoring small children being entertained by grown-ass people. Oh, sugar, please shut your numb mouth.
But, then everyone grows up and tries not to repeat the mistakes of the past. Usually… Everyone tries and tries not to be their parents, only to fall headlong into repeated behaviors and disastrous situations. Love for the wrong reasons and trouble for the right. Narcissistic, bitter, living in the past. “I miss the old days.” But do you really?
You can make changes. You don’t have to spend your life wondering if you’ll end up alone at the end, surrounded by nothing but bitter “memories” and no loved ones because you pushed them all away. No one inviting you anywhere… only perhaps an invitation to go to Hell.
But, we’re all making changes because God forbid we end up like you.