Juniper

I guess you’ve forgotten me again. No big deal to me – it’s your setup, not mine. I’ll be here whenever you decide I’m worthy.

Sitting, waiting –

It’s cold in here.

Please make up your mind.

I think it’s starting to get better. I think. Sense of dread has ceased for now. Things are going to be OK… I think. I need to stop thinking so much and just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens. And, if you need to start over, well, so be it.

I like talking to you, we should talk more.

Why am I the only one not allowed to feel feelings? I have to sit here and there listening to you all day long…spewing your nonsense under the guise of “I just needed to let that out.” But I, I am not allowed to “let that out.” I get told to get over myself, or other people have it worse, or “you don’t have to be here.”

But you, you get to “let that out.” Let that out, but in reality you’re just being a miserable, bitter asshole. Rehashing the same tired, old rhetoric you’ve been spewing for the last 50 years. You’d think you would have gotten over it by now…but no. Living 50 years in the past, reliving old grievances as if they’d happened yesterday and everyone still remembers what you’re talking about.

“I can’t stand this person, or that person, or you, or me, or everyone and everything.” Everyone’s an asshole but you. What’s that saying? Yeah…common denominator and what have you.

Grow up, build a bridge, burn it, piss on the ashes, salt the earth…something. Just shut up about it.

always there
in the back of your mind.
beating away at
your self-worth and
your height.
so small…
small.
who do you think
you are?
fuck you for thinking you could
be happy.

I really should let it go like you’ve let me go. But, my mind and soul are curious. Or perhaps they’re stupid, really. They need to accept reality and move on. Move on like you did to your imaginary life. An imaginary life that harms everyone around you…most of all yourself.

Live your little life, with almost everyone sick of your shit and you flitting through without a care in the world. Nothing is wrong, you’re always right. Always, even when you’re so wrong, your world threatens to come crashing down around you. It never does though, because there’s always some imbecile around you to prop it back up.

If you ever had to face the consequences of your actions, I might die from the shock. But, for now, you don’t…ever. Forever and ever ruining little lives with your selfishness.

I miss you, but you don’t care. You never do.