Archives for 2021

I’m trying…

What? I don’t know. To get back into everything.

In the words of illustrious philosopher William Fontaine de La Tour Dauterive, “I’m so depressed, I can’t even blink.”

I’m trying, but day after day of things I know don’t make me happy, it wears me out. So much stress, so much talking. So much of… nothing.

I want to live in a cottage in the woods, on the edge of a lake, in nature… but not too far from civilization. And just do what I want. No alarm clocks, no traffic, no bosses. Just me, and the birds, and the trees.

Maybe one day. Maybe I’m too old for “dreams”.

Maybe… but right now I’m trying.

I’m sorry, I forgot where I was.

I seem to be on a high at the moment… but I sit here waiting for it to come crashing down again. Perhaps, Monday? Perhaps, next year? It will come and I’ll just have to sit and take it.

This week was supposed to be restful; I suppose it had it moments. But today is the end and next week the anxiety will return… maybe I’ll cry.

But, for now, I’ll just sit here and enjoy the remaining peace. And wait for my new glasses.

I’m allowed to stay indoors and waste away the beautiful day. I’m no longer listening to a word you say. You’ve since turned into high-pitched screeching; falling onto silent ears. I’m deaf, I’m blind…you’re no longer here. We’re not one or two or three. I’m leaving you. I mean it this time.

I left three months ago.